OMG or KW or AR, Odoch is dead. Now what are we going to do? Who is going to be brought in to replace the funniest man on television who was even funnier than Kelekele and Kabaata mostly due to the fact that those two mafas were not funny at all and were in fact better defined as conducive to suicide than funny?
Who is going to be the Ashton Kutcher to Daniel Omara’s Charlie Sheen?
We have a few theories.
Ernest Bazanye:
Aka Baz
Bazanye, talk dark and built like a greek statue, Bazanye would be a perfect choice to join the cast of the show after the departure of its lead star. Not only is he known for his flawless elocution skills, and his sexy gait, perfected over years as a riverdancing basketball star, but Bazanye also has a photographic memory which enables him to cram scripts in seconds.
Cons: He is about as old as Alma, so he would only be joining the Hostel as either a as an unconvincing 21-Jump Street cop or as the Hostel chaplain Father Ssendikwanawa
Golola Moses:
The popular –well, I mean the formerly popular kickboxer, well the formerly popular formerly kickboxer has already shown the world that he is very watchable on TV. That is when he is talking to cameras, not when he is in rings fighting. When he is fighting he sucks ass.
Golola Moses could join the Hostel and add the one ingredient that has been sorely missing—staged kung fu fights. All the other fights (Arach vs Jesca, Annette vs Jesca, Patra vs Jesca etc) have just been a mess of wild flailing of hands and screaming. Golola could actually look good fighting in a staged, choreographed melee.
Cons: He will be the third character in the show with broken luzungu. It might be too much.
Enygma:
It’s a Hustler’s Dark Night
The rapper already has a fanbase which he can bring to the show with him. And because nobody knows what he really looks like, should the actor need to leave the show (as Omara did) they won’t have to kill his character, they can just tell Arach to wear the mask and do two roles.
Cons: Enygma is probably Daniel Omara so he has already left the show.
Pius Bigirimana:
He will be unemployed in a short while. We don’t think he will go to jail, though. But he will need a new job. And he can probably buy some acting classes.
Cons: We hate the fucker.
Forrest Whitaker:
Mbu Forrest Mutaka
The highly-decorated actor has appeared in many award-nominated films in highly acclaimed roles, one of which was here in Uganda, where he played a Ugandan. He didn’t get a sex scene with Kerry Washington though (loser) but still, he has experience.
Cons: Old and eyes don’t both open at the same time.
Maurice Kirya:
He is used to cameras, chicks dig him and, like Omara, he also knows how to poke at his head with a comb, so this could work. He could be a viable replacement for the lost Odoch.
Cons: Odoch had an Northern Ugandan accent. Maurice Kirya doesn’t know how to speak in any Ugandan accent. He talks like when you are talking to bazungu.
